You may feel knocked down when you don’t get the job you wanted, but all is not lost. Find out how to build your resilience while job searching.
There are lots of steps you can take to maximise your chances of landing the jobs you apply for. Applying for suitable roles, writing a great CV and cover letter, and preparing well so you can give a fantastic interview are all ways you can increase your odds.
However, sometimes you can do everything right and still not be offered the job. Almost everyone will be turned down at some point in their professional life. The trick is learning to be resilient so that you can bounce back, move on, and put in a strong application for the next job that comes along.
What is Resilience?
Amit Sood, MD, defines resilience as “your ability to withstand adversity and bounce back and grow despite life’s downturns” (source). In other words, it’s all about how quickly and how well you recover from setbacks.
Resilience matters because it can help you to get back on track with your goals more quickly after a disappointment like not getting the job you wanted. More resilient people tend to be more successful as well as happier in both life and work.
But resilience is not something you’re born with. It is not an innate characteristic but a learned behaviour, and something that anyone can cultivate with time and effort. Here are a few tricks to help you learn to be more resilient when you face disappointments in your career.
Remember It’s Not Personal
Many of us make the mistake of getting overly personally invested in the jobs we apply for. But remember that hiring is a purely business decision. It’s not personal.
The reasons you didn’t get a particular job could be any number of different things. Perhaps you were excellent, but someone else was even more qualified. Perhaps there was an internal candidate who had a significant advantage. Perhaps you lacked experience in a particular area but might be ideal for the role in a few years.
Remembering that the decision is not about you as a person will go a long way to helping you stay resilient and stay positive.
Try to Have Several Options on the Go
Putting all your eggs in one basket or having a “this or nothing” approach to applying for jobs is a big mistake. If you take this approach, it can feel even more devastating when you do not get the job.
Instead, try to always have at least a few options on the go when you are job hunting. This means applying for more than one job at a time so that, when you get the bad news, you can move on to focusing on something else quickly.
Take It as an Opportunity to Learn
The most resilient people tend to view setbacks not as failures, but as learning opportunities. Take the opportunity to reflect on why you think you didn’t get the job and if there is anything you could do differently next time.
Not all companies will offer feedback to rejected candidates, but many will. It’s a good idea to ask if the interview panel has any feedback for you. Take what they say on board and use it to improve so that you have a better chance of landing the job the next time. Perhaps you need to refine your CV to be more targeted, emphasise a different area of your skillset, or brush up on your interview skills.
Allow Yourself to Feel Sad
…or stressed, or disappointed, or whatever else you feel!
Getting rejected from a job you really wanted is an emotional experience. Give yourself time to feel whatever emotions come up. Talking to a loved one or journaling about your feelings can help you to process and take control of them so you can move on.
Take care of yourself while you work through your feelings. Get some rest, do activities you enjoy, and take the time to practice self-care. The most resilient people are patient and understanding with themselves in the face of setbacks.
Keep Things in Perspective
It’s easy to lose perspective after a big disappointment. This can lead to thought patterns like “I’ll never succeed.” But one rejection (or even several) does not mean the end of your goals. It’s a normal thing that happens to everyone at some point. Try to remind yourself of that.
Another aspect of keeping things in perspective is not to idealise the job you did not get. There is no such thing as a perfect job. All jobs have boring tasks, co-worker frustrations, meetings that last far too long, tonnes of bureaucracy, or other minor, everyday annoyances. The job you did not get wouldn’t have been perfect, nor is it the only job you could possibly be happy in.
Activity: Build Yourself Up
Resilience is closely associated with positive self-esteem. People who generally like and respect themselves tend to be more resilient. This activity is designed to help you build your self-esteem and remember all the reasons why you’re amazing.
Grab a piece of paper and write numbers 1 to 10 down the side. Now fill in each one with a positive achievement, an attribute you like about yourself, or something you’re proud of. They can be big or small things, and do not have to be related to work.
As a bonus, team up with a friend. Each of you should write down ten things you like about the other. Then swap lists and be prepared to smile about how your loved ones really see you! When you are facing a disappointment or trying to build your resilience, look back at these lists to give yourself a little emotional pick-me-up.
